One thing that I find helps a lot is to get outside and breath fresh air. So I decided I was going to take Sophie, my retiring assistance dog, to the D-O-G P-A-R-K. After all, you can't say the word in front of her or she will know. I had no idea where I was going to end up. I ended up at the Nisqually Nature Reserve located in the southern Puget Sound area. Dogs aren't allowed but since she's my service dog who is assisting me it's OK. Let me make a point of saying that it is not o.k. to let her loose (much to her dismay). She was right next to me as I wheeled myself down the boardwalk in much colder temperature than prepared to face (forgot my gloves). I used my power chair and just hoped it would do the whole mile loop without running out of juice. We saw some beautiful birds up close, including the Great Blue Heron and a little guy busy in the marshes (I am by no means a birder so my identifiers are usually very general like color & size). We met a wonderful mix of people along our trip, including a guy from an area in England near Oxford called Fenland. He's a birder, photographer and meteorologist. Check out his website he has with his wife: http://fenlandbirds.com/Site/Welcome.html .
The situation I have been stressing over went like this: I was talking with a very nice woman about her photography and the reserve, etc. while allowing her to pet Sophie. Two women came from behind me and I heard them ask if it was o.k. to pet Sophie as well so I instructed Sophie to greet them. She was all too much obliged to do so, just waiting for that scratch here and rub there! The two women were very nice and we had a brief conversation about service dogs and, "will I get to keep Sophie after she retires?" Only a couple of minutes later one woman asked me what my affliction was because I just looked 'too healthy'. I was caught off guard and took a moment to think. In the meantime she followed her question with the qualifier, "it's just that I work with a bunch of disabled people..." I sheepishly said, "I'm a below the knee amputee and it's just such a far way to walk all the way around the boardwalk so I'm using my chair."
She made me feel that I had to add a qualifier why I didn't meet her expectation of a disabled person by telling her why I needed my w/c! How dare she ask such a personal question as my medical condition. What gives her the right to know if I was not in a position to share it openly? It's a completely different situation if we are developing a deep conversation and I share it on my own volition. But that didn't occur. Why do people have this image of all people with disabilities have to look a certain way? How many people approached Franklin Roosevelt about his condition? Helen Keller was a beautiful woman and yet she struggled against some of the highest odds to make an impression on this world that will never be forgotten!
What I want to know from people is: what's the difference in looking at a black guy and assuming he is violent and will do harm to you AND looking at a disabled woman and expecting her to be of low education, limited in ability to communicate and not be a creative, productive business woman who can handle a household budget better than millions of able-bodied adults in America?
Below you will see a photo of the Seattle skyline and a couple of pics from the reserve:
Oh, well, just take it as an opportunity to champion your cause!
ReplyDeleteYeah, good thought. I have since spoken with several people on this issue and I would like to add a footnote to my above blog. I was struggling with my own personal views about being asked about my disabilities and then comparing myself to everyone else's views and opinions. I have concluded that everyone has a different personality and different boundary issues. Whereas a question might not bother one person, it might be a huge intrusion on somebody else's privacy so you can't judge yourself alongside of other people's opinions. For myself, I have always had very little boundaries and therefore allowed people to be very intrusive and my life was an open book. In recent years I've developed good, stronger boundaries that dictate who I'll share information with and when. Once I get to know someone, even a little more than 5 minutes of conversation, I gladly open up and share my story. I just don't feel comfortable, all the time, sharing my intimate medical history with a person because we've spoken for a few minutes. Any new thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI think her question was because of her work experience more than nosiness. Your hesitation probably made her realize her question was presumptuous; that's why she added the comment about her work. Considering you were cold, tired and surrounded by people wanting to pet your service dog, I think you handled yourself well.
ReplyDeleteAs for the part about feeling the need to qualify why you were using your chair that day, I think it's a normal, if unfortunate, human tendency to want to feel accepted all the time. I've struggled with my weight most of my life, and it's only in the last couple of years that I've stopped apologizing for things like lack of stamina, low blood sugar and my food choices. Nowadays, if I feel a need to explain something I will, but I try not to do it not in a defensive way, but with the aim to impart information.
As I told the women in my Spiritual Studies class yesterday, our society conditions us to feel guilty if we don't measure up to some unattainable standard of health, weight or external beauty. It leaves us feeling unworthy of being loved and hypercritical of ourselves. How then can we love others as we love ourselves if we don't actually love ourselves? Satan has really done a number on us in that department.
We have to fight back by loving ourselves, not in a self-centered way, but in a way that acknowledges that we are indeed "fearfully and wonderfully made" by God even if we don't meet some arbitrary man-made ideal. Only when we stop beating up on ourselves can we stop judging (or defending ourselves to) others.
Have a blessed day, my sister!